In what Wet Paint authorities describe
as a “very important event,” a force of alien mannequins
has appeared suddenly throughout the store, accompanied by a few mannequin
cronies known simply as Cat and Monkey and Astronaut.
“We have traveled a great distance to find you,” stated
their leader, 8” Alien. “Why? Because,
in all the ceaseless galaxies, in all the endless universe, it is only
here, here in this store you call Wet Paint, in this
city you call Saint Paul, in this state you call Minnesota, in this
country you call Superamerica -- it is only here in this humble art
supply store that we have discovered authentic evidence of that concept
you human beings know as ... Love.”
While the U.S. government has demanded
that the 8” and 5” aliens be turned over to military experts, Wet Paint officials
have remained adamant. “Let them buy them like everyone else,”
stated Beth Bergman, owner. “$9.99,” she
said. “$6.20 for the little ones.”
10” Monkey’s great size is evident in this photograph,
which places the gentle giant next to his comrade-in-art,
Karl the Pencil Monkey. Back
Monkey, friend to
Alien, is available in
10” ($12.95) and 7” ($9.99) sizes.
Good kitty! Most domestic felines have a
ranging radius of about a mile, but 14” Cat
(or, as it prefers to be known, “Leopard”)
won’t even leave your desk or taboret.
Plus, it won’t try to climb up on your lap when
you’re trying to draw or paint.
No shots necessary. Only $24.95. Back
12” Astronaut, fresh from a trip to the
Mir Space Station, reports that visiting
“The Cosmic Dancer”, a sculpture project
for which Lascaux acrylics was used,
was one of the happiest moments of his
illustrious career. Back
Supermodel mannequin
5” Alien is a happy-go-lucky
fellow who’s not afraid to show a little spunk.
Turn-ons include brotherly love, intergalactic peace,
and zangarang, a form of cross-dimensional
breakdancing. Turn-offs include brotherly hatred,
intergalactic war, and the portrayal of “non-Terran
species” in our popular culture. His favorite book is
the 1992 operating manual for the Toyota Corolla.
